i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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