why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
