How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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