his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
