so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
