hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize