Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
