I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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