you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
