You don't have asthma, your pregnant
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
