why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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