I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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