watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
