I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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