Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
