Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
just tell him i said nine months
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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