I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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