There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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