R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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