his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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