The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
