i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize