we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
this is an emotional support booty call
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
