This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
