Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
