i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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