Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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