I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Randomize
