grandma shit on top of the toilet
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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