Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
