Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Randomize
