Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
you had me at cake vodka
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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