We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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