Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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