There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
