he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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