I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
