he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
