and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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