She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
