Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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