to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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