maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Did we literally take a cab across the street
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
