im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
wat bout pragnant strippers??
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize