I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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