dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
They have beer where we have blood.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
