actually, I'm a sock model
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
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