FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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