Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
