She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
