you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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