i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
