Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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