At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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