I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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