I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
