By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
