my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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