my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
