i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize