I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
