I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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