I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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