if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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