What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
