How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
