Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
