You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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