Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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