I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
