$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
they're like a gay fantastic four
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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