i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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