I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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