So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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