I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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