Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
