i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
