I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
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