I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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