you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
