What a fucking waste of an outfit
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
